Charivari May 1997

Royal Mail bosses praised staff who successfully delivered a parcel sent to a man in "Norridge, Nordfolk". The package, posted in Holland, was addressed to "Mr Eastorm, Park-Evenue, Bafford, Norridge, Nordfolk". John Easton, of Park Avenue, Barford, near Norwich, Norfolk, received it a week later. "We try to deliver items the next day," said Royal Mail.	A 3.3lb meteorite tore through the roof of an empty parked car in the French Alpine city of Chambery. The molten-basalt rock, which set the vehicle alight but caused no injuries, was pronounced non-radioactive by scientists from a nearby University. The car's owner refused to believe it was a meteorite and insisted on filing an arson complaint, police said.
"Kidneys?" reads the newspaper ad. "I have two excellent ones! Long-term lease available." Bob Loturco, 60, of Florida, disabled and barely surviving on a £320 a month, wants to lease for 99 years one of his kidneys to someone in need. "It's my darn kidney," said Loturco, who is trying to get round a law that bans the sale of organs.	A town's leaders have responded to ridicule of the Black Country accent by erecting a road sign in local dialect. Drivers approaching a road development in Dudley are met with a sign reading: "If yowm saft enuff ter cum dahn 'ere agooin wum, yowr tay ull be spile't." Translated, it means: "If you're daft enough to come down here on your way home, your tea will be spoilt."
A millionaire businessman has set a new record for the fastest journey from John O'Groats to Land's End driving a mechanical digger. Hugh Edeleanu took 22 hours, 10 minutes and 30 seconds to complete the 878-mile journey in a turbo-charged JCB. The time demolished Hugh's personal best of 34 hours and 15 minutes and the previous record of 33 hours.	A museum with 20 pre-war TVs has had a demand for £91.50 for a licence - even though the sets no longer work. The televisions at the National Wireless Museum operate on different frequencies to modern sets and only show black dots on their screens. The TV Licensing Authority said the demand was probably sent to the Isle of Wight museum as a general circular.
A pensioner started to tear his house apart after hearing what sounded like a trapped bird - only to discover the noise was his new wristwatch. Basil Vandenheede, 74, of Rochester, pulled bricks out of his lounge to try to find what sounded like a cockerel. He discovered it was his watch only when a council officer went round to his home and heard the alarm himself.	A pensioner claims the lightbulb in her hallway has been there for a staggering 61 years - since the house was built. Mary Tapsell, 95, of Rainham, Kent, said: "I've been here for 45 years after moving in as a housekeeper. I have never put a new bulb in. "I noticed the metal on the shade was corroding... Then I realised the bulb had never been changed ¯ ever!"

Plagiarism Note: The stories on this page appeared originally on ITV Teletext or in Private Eye and are reproduced due to the kind ignorance of the original authors.